American Humorist and Writer
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
The older we grow the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance one can contain without bursting one's clothes.
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
A man cannot be made comfortable without his own approval.
Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.
Keep away from small people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
It is nobler to be good, and it is nobler to teach others to be good -- and less trouble!
A banker is a fellow who lends his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.
Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to.
Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with a cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.
Put all your eggs in one basket and then watch that basket.
Education is the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -- you see, I have friends in both places.
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
Loyalty to petrified opinions never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul in this world -- and never will.
Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
Adam was the luckiest man; he had no mother-in-law.
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man
When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have him around. When I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.
We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read.
If you are speaking the truth you don't have to remember anything.
His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist.
The miracle, or the power, that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application, and perseverance under the prompting of a brave, determined spirit.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.
Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words... the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.